Dear Katrina,
How Does The Behaviour Of Separated Parents Effect Children?
When separating, parents can often lose focus of their children’s best interest.
Whilst separation is one of the most stressful times in a person’s life, the issues surrounding separation are adult issues and parents should be mindful about the impact of their behaviour on their children.
In the Federal Circuit Court of Australia matter of Blyth & Blythe Judge Orbradovic had to consider matters of the mother relocating with the children (thus reducing the father’s time with them) and what was in the children’s best interest.
The first three paragraphs of his Judgement particularly strike a chord.
His Honour said as follows:
1.”It is always surprising just how self-focused parents can become in family law litigation. The facts of this case are but a prime example of such narcissistic behaviour.”
2. The children’s best interests, so enshrined in the legislation, have taken second stage to the parents’ own interests in the way these proceedings were conducted. Had the parents thought about the children first, rather than themselves, a resolution to the children’s parenting arrangements could and would have been reached.”
3. “Of course people’s lives after separation move on, but they should not be at the expense of the children of the relationship. All too often this Court sees parents who take the view that they have the right to get on with their own lives and move as they please, rather than thinking about how the little ones whose whole world has fallen apart might be coping with the war zone that they are in the middle of. There is seldom a ceasefire. The children walk in no-man’s land for many years, navigating between hidden mines and barbed wire of their parents’ entrenched positions and conflict. Such have been these children’s lives.”
His Honour’s analogy in paragraph 3 above is particularly poignant and describes, in accurate detail, the toll that the behaviour of warring parents can have on the children of the relationship.
Often, when dealing with parents following separation, the adult issues are at the fore of the parents’ mind and it is difficult to overcome the feelings of bitterness, resentment and entitlement which often comes with acrimonious separations.
If we step back and think about the effect such behaviour is having on the children, then it is more likely that parents will be able to see “the forest for the trees” that is, focusing on what is in the children’s best interest and arrangements that as an adult, each parent can live with.
If you would like to know more – contact us today.
